There aren’t many good single men in New York City. It seems like that’s what everyone says to us. And when Deanna* moved into the city late 2021, it was her turn to find out if there’s any truth to that assertion. After being single for the first time since his boyfriend, who was with her for three years separated from her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time that a private Facebook group called Do You Dating the same Guy NYC was launched as the recommended follow. The group had an intense prescreening survey as well as community guidelines which were used as barriers to entry and was with 43,000 members. Deanna was interested, so she enrolled.
The community
The group – which began with the sole purpose of helping women check if their love interests were actually seeing others – was founded in the month of March 2022. It is believed that nearly every large US city has a similar organization today, and the rules are clear: Anyone has the right to be anonymous, not doxxing or posting sensitive information and under no circumstances can members leave the group. There is no harassment, no blame-shifting or blaming others for the actions of another. Never reveal to a man that he’s been added to the group.read about it datingfortodaysman from Our Articles Following the scandal from West Elm Caleb, who was a man with whom numerous women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections online, it seemed many women were in the market for a method to search out other people who were like him. One TikTok user was saying when the incident occurred This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s the way this group was in the year Deanna joined. Every version of Are We Dating the Same Guy can be used as a area for women seeking dating advice or offer warnings about men with whom they’ve experienced bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is the practice of sending out other women to attract them on social media, has also become a norm. It’s easy to get lost in a tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, tales about hookups that have gone wrong, and memes about the woes of modern day dating. The most well-known posts contain photos of a person with his name asking whether anyone has met or been in contact with the person that is being asked about. Emojis with red flags are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous posts warning of a former lover or a bad time that are usually accompanied by a downward arrow and the ominous text See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our options in recent years in recent years, with a recent research finding that nearly 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their partner on the internet. Therefore, it is only natural that the social aspect of romance is changing to the online age. Instead, of sitting with several friends drinking a glass of wine or venting to colleagues, we’re seeking advice from 43,000 women who are going through similar and, in some cases very similar-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie who is a group member. Not to suggest that there aren’t rights that are available however, it was helpful for me in terms of reframing my view of dating. It’s not about competing against other girls, it’s instead holding men to a greater expectation than I was previously.
It’s not lost on me that certain behavior that is facilitated and encouraged in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be warning signs if used by potential suitors. Images, the details of private conversations, and screenshots posted without the approval of the other party or knowledge are numerous. The public is able to search social media profiles on a daily basis. And it doesn’t take much for a romantic date to be to be the center of attention. Although Deanna enjoys being part group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she declares. But I’m convinced that you’ll run into the problem where it’s like an echo chamber of men have kept pushing us for so long, and we’re going to give it right back.
We live in the patriarchal system
We’re still living in an age of patriarchy. So until we’re truly equal those online interactions could result in different effects based on the culture of each individual. However, can a group of this sort really provide empowered in a positive way on one side of the coin, and morally reprehensible terror in the form of incels on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? It’s hyperlocal and inter-personal, but only for those who live and date in the town the group is located in. The women, as well as the men they post about may be your neighbors, coworker, friend, relative, or perhaps your most current Hinge match. And yet, there’s a loss of personalization that happens when you use the internet, which makes everything feel like being a game. It’s no stretch to suggest this is demeaning to the dates in both groups-especially when the details of private interactions, conversations including photos, are being shared with no knowing or consent, usually as a means of entertainment.